Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
