I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
