We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
