i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
