I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
