i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
