you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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