I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i wish my penis had a tongue
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
