i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
