Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
