I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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