Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
