Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
