cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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