She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize