what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
