Umm I'm too high to move.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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