i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
