I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So apparently I’m into choking now
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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