will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
