then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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