I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The beers last night were like the tears from god
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
