I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
