Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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