I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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