Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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