I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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