you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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