I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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