Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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