We're facebook friends in real life
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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