What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
