You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
