Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
