I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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