there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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