is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I look better un-naked...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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