you would pick up someone in the library
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
