Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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