tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
