if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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