Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
