Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
