We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
