I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize