Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
