i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
