I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize