i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
