So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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