On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
