i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
