I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we made out on top of his cat.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
