I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize