Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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