So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
