why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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