it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
