i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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