she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
