just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
