Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize