It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
