i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
