If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
