Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
