Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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