I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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