im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I pour the whiskey from now on
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
